“I am very unhappy, my wife has runaway”
I still remember the words of my Australian friend in Sydney a few years back. I was not expecting such helplessness from a successful, handsome and age-wisened man. But love can bring the strongest of men down to their knees and make them grovel for mercy.
“She is Spanish, she used to work in my office, we fell in love, married and even have a child. She goes to Spain every year and I strongly suspect that she has a boy friend. The thought tortures me. I can’t live without her”. He was pleading as if I might have a magic wand.
“Listen, Richard…do you really love her a lot?”…I queried.
“Yes of course”
“More than anyone else in the world, even your own self?”
“Yes, yes, yes”
“Well my advice in that case is to let her go to Spain as often as she wants, stay there as long as she desires, provide her money in Spain, be happy in knowing that she is happy…if you follow my advice I guarantee that you will be happy man…much happier than adopting any other line of action…”
My friend was noticeably stunned by my advice but not dismissive. I am not sure if he followed my suggestion. If he did, it would have been a miracle in more ways than one.
Love and lust are often indistinguishable to the afflicted. Many a cloaked love is actually lust. One way to distinguish is by asking a question to yourself – am I ok with not possessing the object of my desire? A positive answer to this is no guarantee that it is love…cause lust is deceptive and does not always reveal its identity and motive to its host till within killing (possessing) distance. A much surer way to distinguish love is to check if it is one sided. One-sided love is usually lust. Richard’s love seemed to be one-sided. And if he really loved his wife, he would not have been possessive.
The subject of love fascinates me. Because I think in it exists a coded message of God.
As a self-proclaimed spiritual person with delusions of receiving instructions from Him, I often wonder about what God really wants from us humans. Though God’s men are expected to work for “common good” and alleviate human suffering, I increasingly feel that He wants His men to accomplish a larger mission…God wants humanity to rise to the next level of “evolution” where “common good” is a corollary rather than the main theorem. In simpler words, increasing innate “goodness” in humanity (of which “common good” will just be a by-product)…
I use the word “goodness” here to imply all the niceties that are considered to be good human values – compassion, humility, gratitude…
I have been experimenting on this. I have been observing and dwelling on the “goodness” of women I find attractive. I discovered that the attraction waxes and wanes in proportion to their goodness.
But I don’t think I am an anomaly (thank goodness)…
Consider two recent Hindi movies.
In Ghajini, the hero, Aamir Khan, falls in love with Asin after observing undercover her acts of kindness.
In another Hindi movie, “Rab ne Bana di Jodi (a marriage made in heaven)”, the message is “tujhme rab dikhta hai, yaara main kya karoon (I see God in you, that’s why I love you)”. The heroine, Anoushka Sharma chooses the simpleton but “good” Shahrukh over his urbane rockstar version (an identity Shahrukh assumes just to woo Anoushka).
I am sure there are countless men and women who have “fallen” for the “goodness” of their partners above any other attribute.
The subject of love is a controversial one. I am sure many of my readers will not agree to my viewpoint. However, when I write I abide by only three rules (1) it must be true (2) it must be interesting to most of my readers (3) it must be useful to at least a few of them. I have a fourth secret objective. To learn. I learn when you speak and give feedback. I intend to discuss the feedback in my next blog.